I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
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Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
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you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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