She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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