so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
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He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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