There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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