i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize