I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
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I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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