you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
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I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
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I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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