I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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