found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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