oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
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Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
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I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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