my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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