So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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