You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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