2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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