She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
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Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
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Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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