She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
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We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
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And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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