then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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