when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
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If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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