I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize