my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
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he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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