Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize