you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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