I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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