So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
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It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think my nap took me to another dimension
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Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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