sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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