my mouth tastes like poor choices
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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