i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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