Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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