What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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