He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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