he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I am one with the molecules
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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