but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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