there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize