hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
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Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
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When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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