My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
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This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
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July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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