I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
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Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
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I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize