At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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