a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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