"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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