Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
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drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
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I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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