2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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