I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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