Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
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And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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