I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize