In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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