Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
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driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
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