Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
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My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
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found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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