Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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