Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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