Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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